Declined...

Well today Louden and I got some sad/bad news. The apartment we applied for declined our application.  I do not know why though because we are good candidates, some would say great.  We have good credit, hardly any debt, we pay our bills on time and we've never been arrested.  I mean what else do they want?! I emailed the realty company to get an explanation as to why we were declined and hopefully it was just a mistake or miscommunication.  I am hoping it is just because we don't have jobs in Louisville yet, I guess I would be a little hesitant to give someone an apartment when they haven't secured a new source of income in the city in which they are moving.  I have an interview at the job I really want the week we move up there and we can even pay a few months of rent in advance if they need us to.  We just need to find a new home soon! I am starting to get a little nervous.  In the beginning I didn't even really want this apartment because the realty company had not pictures of the apartment and wouldn't go take any to send to us but now it is getting closer and closer to our moving day and we need a house to move in to.  I know God will provide a home for us just like He does for the sparrows, I need to put my trust in Him.  I don't need to worry like I do but it is just so nerve racking for me.  I like to have things ready in advance and planned out so I can be ready.  Waiting to the last few weeks before we move to find our new home is not a fun experience for me.  I get cranky and snap easy when I am stressed, Louden usually catches the worst of it because he walks unknowingly across the land mines completely unaware of the dangerous ground he has wondered on.  Plus it is easier to snap at someone you know loves you because you know they aren't going any where, they'll still love you despite your moments of anger/craziness/weakness.  If you are reading this please pray for Louden and I, pray that God gives us peace about finding a place to live, pray that we have patience and trust in Him.  Thanks!

Painful Reminders

Wow! I made a promise to Louden when he first asked me to marry him, it was to go where ever God called us, to follow Him to the ends of the earth, hand in hand, as “one”.  I knew that we would be called to leave Natchitoches one day, I just didn’t realize how hard it would be for me. I don’t know how to fully express all the emotions stirring inside of me as we approach the moving day.  I am terrified... and excited.... and nervous.... and happy.... and sad... and blessed. Terrified of the unknown, excited about the adventure, nervous about being so far from home, happy to have opportunity, sad to be leaving so many and blessed to be able to go.  I feel so conflicted and torn in two by my emotions right now I need peace, true peace that only Christ can give.  I will desperately miss my family, just the thought of leaving them makes my eyes overflow with big, salty, wet tears.  I know how much I will miss being so far from them.  I won’t be here for the good days, the celebrations, the milestones, the laughs or more importantly the tough days, the sorrow, the mourning, the tears.  I hate the thought of being helpless, fourteen hours away from them during a time of turmoil.  God is showing me that I rely on me way to much and not enough on Him.  I need to be reminded of how finite and small I am compared to His infinite power and glory.  It is a painful reminder when you’ve been trying to do it on your own for so long now.  His relationship has to come before all others, I have to love Him far more than I love any other because He first loved me.  If my life isn’t lived for Him then what is it I am living for? He gave me breathe, gave me life, saved me, forgave me when I did nothing to deserve it.  I was adopted by the King of the universe! He calls me daughter and I now have a Father!  I owe Him my life and it is His to take.  Jesus gave His life for me.... me?!   He picked me up out of my filthy sin and held me in His arms of grace and washed me as white as snow.  The same God that makes the stars in the sky shine so brilliantly put life in my dead body and light in my soul to shine in the darkest of places.  WOW!!! Why did I ever let that slip from my mind? Once reminded I realize just how far I have wandered away from who I was intended to be, wandering farther into darkness with an ever fading light but He never left me... not even for a moments time.  Amazing grace and unconditional love.  I am so thankful for the gifts He bestows on such a struggling, sinful and small Sarah.  I have faith that He is in control of all things, no matter how great or awful it may seem.  I’m no longer trusting in my own abilities, I have needlessly exhausted myself because I took my eyes off of Him and forgot the simple truths He so sweetly whispered to my heart long ago.  I will still deeply miss my family but I am now leaving them in the very capable hands of the mighty King and loving Father who loves them far more and far better than I ever possibly could. Praise God!!!