The Only Essential

I began reading The Cross Centered Life by C.J. Mahaney today and in the introduction he quoted Jerry Bridges, saying "The gospel is not only the most important message in all of history; it the only essential message in all of history.  Yet we allow thousands of professing Christians to live their entire lives without clearly understanding it and experiencing the joy of living by it."  I felt so convicted after reading that one little quote and that was just on page 15 of the book. Haha, not looking to good for me.  No but in all seriousness I asked Louden to recommend a book that would help me with where I am now in my walk with Christ, which feels like nowhere/nonexistent right now if I am honest with myself.  I feel as though I need to get back to the basics of my faith and fall in love with Christ all over again.  I miss being close to Him.  In the book, Mahaney poses the questions "What are you most passionate about? What do love to talk about? What do you think about most when your mind is free?  What is it that defines you?"  The bad thing is I am not sure what stole my affections and got me where I am now??? I couldn't come up with one dang thing that has just overwhelmingly ruled my life, the closest I could come up with would be family but even then I wasn't convinced that was my "thing".  I read on a little and finally found a description I felt fit me best, he writes "Maybe your life's passion is not so much a single focus as a constantly shifting gaze."  Bingo!  My mind wanders at a dangerous rate.  For example, it is very difficult for me to have a consistent one on one time with Christ because of my fleeting thoughts.  I know that to know Him you must spend time in His word and in prayer communicating with Him so why don't I do those things consistently? Frustrating doesn't even describe it, half the time I don't even realize how far off track I get until I look back and can't even see the track anymore.  I have come to the realization that it will only be through God's grace that I have a true and right thought about Him because I am hopeless on my own, believe me; I have tried.  But that is true of all things in my life I suppose.  I remember when I felt closest to God in my life during my senior year of high school and I want that back so bad now.  I want to want Christ, if that makes sense.  It is easy it seems when you are a brand new Christian to daily be on fire for Him but along the way the fire dwindles to mere embers.  Why?  I think in most cases, I know for sure in mine that I forgot the gospel was for me.  It became what I should share with others not what I remind myself of everyday.  I now realize the gospel should never be something we leave behind after we're saved, it should be something we grow in not out grow as a follower of Christ.  The cross should remain our focus throughout our Christian walk.  I am beginning to understand this... again, strangely enough.  I look forward to being renewed in the spirit in the days to come.  If you would, please pray for me?  I would much appreciate it :)